Friday, February 20, 2009

Late Night Blogging

It seems I really have not had the energy or the desire to blog lately. I am not really sure why that is, but it has been a while.

So tonight, I find myself wide awake at 2:30 in the morning...lots of thoughts running through my head, and I just can't seem to sleep. So here I am.

Most of my thoughts are surrounding a ministry project I was asked to help with over a year ago. I was so thrilled to be a part of it...put all of my energy and passion into it for about a year. Long hours, hard work (physical and mental). And in a matter of moments, it was all gone...for some reasons I have yet to understand.

It is hard because I know that there are fragments of the work around that reflect the time, effort and money put in to this ministry that never was...and sometimes (on nights like tonight) I wake up and think about it...wondering what I could have done differently.

Was it just a waste of the Lord's money? We still have supplies sitting in boxes...some of the very expensive.

Why did those in charge allow it to go as far as they did if they did not support it 100%?

Why does it still hurt?

Where has my passion gone?

As I sit here in tears just thinking about it all, I find that I am still hurt. I am not angry...just sad for what it could have been. Every now and then, there is talk about starting it up again, but in a much different form. I must confess, I have lost all passion for the project. I see major mountains, and frankly, I am just too tired to climb them. This project needs leadership and vision...and the person who had that is no longer a part of the project...and boy, I just don't know if I can do it all over again on my own.

So I know most of this makes little sense to most of you...I just needed to write what was on my heart right now.

Father, help me walk in Your ways. Lead me, guide me and help me to follow. Heal the ache in my heart and give me passion to serve you today...

Friday, February 6, 2009

Overwhelmed, but Believing

Today is one of those days where I just plain feel overwhelmed. Not because of the tasks ahead of me, but because of the choices ahead of me.

If you are someone who knows me personally, you know that decision-making is not one of my strong characteristics. I am a great follower, co-captain, second fiddle. Though I can lead and have a strong personality to lead, I often choose not to because I know that there are others out there who are much more well-equipped than I am.

So we have some big decisions in front of us...and though I am overwhelmed and struggle with unbelief, today I am choosing to believe God.

Father, I am so grateful for Your love. Today, I choose to believe You. Help me to listen for Your voice and not the other voices of doubt, unbelief and self. I love You. Amen.

A co-worker just shared this a moment ago..."God whispers in your soul and speaks to your mind. Sometimes when you don't have time to listen, he has to throw a brick at you. It's your choice: Listen to the whisper, or wait for the brick."

I choose the whisper...and I will wait.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I've got a lot of living left to do...

Here is a very neat list that I found on another blog. You go through the list and bold the ones you've already done. Interesting!

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland

8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Seen Michelangelo's David

41. Sung karoke

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout cookies

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Read the entire Bible

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone’s life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous

92. Joined a book club

93. Lost a loved one

94. Had a baby

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a lawsuit

98. Owned a cellphone

99. Been stung by a bee

100. Read an entire book in one day

Sunday, February 1, 2009

A Pittsburgh Gal at Heart...

So this was definitely a big night for all of us Steeler fans! What an awesome game! Both sides played their hearts out.

We haven't lived in PA for several years, but I grew up just north of Pittsburgh, so I will always be a Pittsburgh girl at heart. My guys decided this year to cheer for the Cardinals...a little bit out of orneriness and a lot because of the fact that Kurt Warner is a believer.

Towards the middle of the game, my seven year old started getting upset because the Cardinals weren't winning and Kurt Warner is a Christian.

Sometimes I think that we as believers feel that way. We are offended when something goes wrong in our lives. We act as if we should be the "winner" in every situation. But that is not true. Christ promised to be with us...but He never promised everything in our lives would magically work out simply because we are a Christian. We will face tough times...disappointment...heartache.

However, all things do work for our good. We may not see it at the time. We may only see the trouble we are facing. But if we allow Him to work, Christ uses those situations for His glory and our best good.

In the end, we do win. We have eternal life with Christ...a Super Bowl trophy doesn't even come close to that!